he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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