so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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