I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
