If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
