my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize