I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
