Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize