He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
