Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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