i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
