I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
