Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
