So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
