by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
