yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
