Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
