K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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