Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
