i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
