i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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