Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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