Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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