I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
