And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
