The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
