Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
