hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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