carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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