we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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