My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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