You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
