He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
