So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
