dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize