4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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