Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Shame is for Republicans.
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