so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
barbara walters just said penis...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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