I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
