As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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