I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
