This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm both gender and math confused
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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