A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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