mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
false alarm. still invincible.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
