Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
