Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize