Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
