Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
