i jhust puked up my retainher.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
