It's Friday. Sex?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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