So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
