last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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