So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
