Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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