Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
