Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
