take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
