If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
