just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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