I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize