Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
