they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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