I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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