Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize