my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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