Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
