Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
