its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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