Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
