So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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