i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
