I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
